Where I Have Been

My first post on this newly created blog was in December of 2016. And then I kind of disappeared. My next post came on the 8th of February. Where was I all this time? In the land of reluctance!

   December started with me promising myself to be more productive. So I began reading, singing, coding (no) and writing. And then I went away from home so all that went down the drain. But still, for the few days that I did do something, I was very determined. So I wrote a poem and published it here. You see, I knew (know) nothing about publishing written works online. I did not (do not) have a plan. So I didn’t know what to do next after posting a poem. So I let it be. But obviously, I knew there must be something I had to do to take this hobby forward. So…

   I started building castles in the air. I started planning about things to do after my blog becomes popular. I had this whole array of activities planned out…audience interaction, social media pages…and er, I suppose that’s that. You see I don’t really know how to go about maintaining a blog. So anyway, I spent days thinking about how I’d read blogs and share my thoughts and connect with people and… well, stuff like that. In the end, I had done too much thinking and too little writing.

   After I came back from my vacation, I planned to begin writing right away. But laziness among other factors did not let that happen. I kept “intending to write” but not really “sitting down to write”. By then, I hadn’t even looked at this blog for over a month. And something kept stopping me from opening the blog page even then. There was this strange reluctance to see what was up here. Well, nothing was up, I wasn’t missing anything, but I should have started writing sooner. I began thinking whether I really need to write online. Do I love writing? Absolutely. I have a passion for writing and I keep talking to myself and planning and imagining and enacting scenes from story ideas. Do I have only writing in my future? No. I don’t really look at writing as a possible career option. That is, perhaps, the source of my reluctance. Do I write much? Sadly, no, these days. I keep thinking and creating storylines from ideas but don’t really get down to actually writing them. That’s not to say I’ve lost interest. Laziness. And reluctance. And blaming the “mood”.

   Am I actually doing something by writing and uploading it here, I began to ask myself. But then, I decided to throw all these thoughts out of my mind. I feel I should write, and that is enough. Even if I achieve nothing by it. But am I achieving nothing by it, really?

   So here I am, writing and posting once again.

P. S. Me not getting the hang of using WordPress completely might also have contributed to the reluctance.

And this is my second post in two days. No, I don’t think I am going to be this frequent always.

lé existential crisis

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